| Thursday, September 02, 2004 |
| Me, Myself And I |
Sadness, despair coupled with periods of happiness. Have you ever wondered how it is to actually live your life that way? Always wanting but never getting things your way, wanting to be loved only to realize that people actually find you repulsive because you’re ‘different’ from them? Well, that is exactly how I’m living my life now. My name is Imelda and I was born with cerebral palsy. It is a disease that affects the brain, which means that I’m unable to control my movements and because of that I am wheelchair-bound. I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars that this disease has not affected me mentally, that I’m still able to think for myself.
For your information, I’ve never been to school because of one particular reason, society’s inability to accept people or things that are different. My mother tried to put me into kindergarten once but one of the teachers there told her that they have enough on their hands and they CANNOT cope with a handicapped student. That was when my mother decided to teach me herself, along with the rest of the family of course. With their help I was able to learn how to read and write but it was pretty hard for me when I realized I wasn’t able to get up in the morning, have breakfast and then put on my school uniform. I would sit and look out the window while my brother put on his school shoes and I remember waving goodbye to him wishing I could go with him.
As the years went by things got worse because like any other teenager I had feelings and longings of my own. I would listen to my friends’ talk about how it’s like to be kissed and things like that. It was particularly heart wrenching for me when I told one of my cousins that I wish that I had a boyfriend and that I was going to look for one and she pretended to understand but later on someone told me she actually laughed her head off and said that how could a guy ever love someone like me. And that’s precisely how people treated me for years after that, and nobody took me seriously. I used to sit on the front porch and watch the other children in the neighborhood playing and I felt so lonely that I would usually end up going to my room and start crying my eyes out because I knew that the kids were snickering and laughing behind my back and I would end up feeling so helpless, so useless, so ugly and unwanted. It was then that I found solace in reading and listening to music and I would spend hours reading romance novels. I would dream about meeting the man who would love me the way I am, and someone who I can give my heart, body and soul to. When I realized that I was born with this disease I actually thought I could never experienced any kind of sexual feeling towards anyone but there I was feeling strangely elated after reading one totally erotic novel. I knew then that I was not as handicapped as I thought I was and I decided there and then that I was going to do something with my life and instead of moping around the house wishing I was never born I started taking part in radio shows over the local radio station and my life changed quite dramatically after that. Even though at first I was self conscious I was able to make lots of friends and I was finally content with my life.
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| posted by tequilagirl65 @ 11:16 AM |
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Name: tequilagirl65
Home: Kota Kinabalu, Sabah
About Me: You don't even want to know
Don't You Dare Click Me!
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